My blog

A little bit about me and a lot about the things we do.

Saturday, 17 March 2018


The definition of anxiety is:
a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event
or something with an uncertain outcome.

So, I guess I am allowed to have it with thinking about surgery BUT I don't like it. 

The symptoms of a panic attack include:

  • Racing heart - yup!
  • Chest pain, feeling like you're having a heart attack - already had an echocardiogram  - all good but still have the symptoms
  • Feelings of complete terror, impending doom or death that are paralyzing - not really, unless it counts that I showed Ron where the life insurance policies are and how to get into the bank accounts.
  • Feeling sweaty or having chills - do hot flashes count?
  • Feeling out of control or like you're going crazy - well, that is kind of normal for me but yes, a little more out of control!
  • Shortness of breath or difficulty breathing  - oh yeah, no doubt!
  • Feeling detached from your surroundings - not so much...although the For Sale sign on the house always does that a bit.
  • Experiencing nausea or upset stomach - oh that reminds me to add gravol to my grocery list.
  • Having numbness or tingling sensations - especially in my fingers plus my hands have swollen so that I can't wear my rings.
  • Feeling like you're choking - that's for sure!
Okay, so I have the symptoms and I even have a reason BUT I still don't like it.

So if I can google the symptoms I can google how to help anxiety.

Try these when you're feeling anxious or stressed:
  • Take a time-out. -That's what days off are all about!
  • Eat well-balanced meals. - My fitnesspal app helps me with this one. 
  • Limit alcohol and caffeine. - No alcohol BUT going without tea would cause me more stress!

  • Get enough sleep.  - Oh, I try but my fitbit keeps telling me that I am not sleeping deeply and Ron tells me in the morning that my tossing and turning is causing him not to either.
  • Exercise daily - Not a problem!  I need to keep my fitbit happy!
  • Take deep breaths- Doing it right now but the fumes of my oven being cleaned gives me a headache. 
  • Count to 10 slowly- 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6....10.  I guess I need to work on that one. 
  • Do your best. Instead of aiming for perfection...., Hard one.  I made a couple of mistakes this week at work and it was hard to let it go! 
  • Accept that you cannot control everything. - So true but that is a hard one!  This is usually when the tears come.
  • Welcome humor. - My son has been providing me with this by sending photos of Bentley who is currently in remission from his cancer!

  • Maintain a positive attitude. - Oh, I am trying.  We are looking ahead and have booked our 35th Anniversary trip on Vancouver Island....6 nights on the ocean!

  • Get involved. - Being busy at work helps plus having the days off with Ron and going on our little adventures is very positive.
  • Learn what triggers your anxiety. - Oh, I know exactly what the trigger is ....March 28th when they will put me to sleep and a knife will go across my neck.  I will wake up a few hours later to a loving husband, my sweet daughter is who coming to help with things and a son who  always been there for me.  We will then wait for a few weeks to hear about the success of the surgery and if it was indeed cancer.
  • Talk to someone. - I'm doing that.  I called my grandchildren.  I got to hear about Emma losing her tooth and how she is cleaning her room so the tooth fairy can come tonight.
I know that I am going to make it through....I am working to try to not let the anxiety overwhelm me.  One lady at work told me that I shouldn't be too hard on myself.  I'm allowed to be concerned.  Being told not to worry can cause more anxiety.  As I pause to think about what I want to type I notice that I am wringing my hands.  It's just there!

But now....I'm going to get moving for the day.  I want to
get the house cleaned,
the laundry done,
ironing caught up,
banking looked after,
some college work done,
the oven cleaned,
go for a walk,
maybe watch a movie....

Thursday, 8 March 2018

Early Easter

We decided to have an early Easter Weekend since I will be recovering from surgery on the real date.  Our son arrived on the Friday and with him came snow and dogs.
By the time Saturday arrived the snow was piled high and Easter lunch was almost ready.
It was fun watching the boys play and seeing Bentley doing so well have chemo.

Andrew and Brianne joined us for lunch.  I forgot to take pictures of the dinner but here's what was left of the dessert.
Shortly after lunch our boy left and drove through lots of snow but made it home safe and sound.  On Sunday Ron and I worked to make tracks through the deep snow.
It was slow going but we were persistent,
Slowly and surely, we made it around the field.
So it may not have been the real Easter weekend but we enjoyed a good dinner and some special time with the boys!

Wednesday, 28 February 2018

Stay and Ski

It's always great when Ron's days off line up with our son's.  We headed towards his house which means the mountains were in view.  The next morning we all headed to Kananskis.  The roads were a little iffy but we took our time.
The mountains sheltered us from the wind and we put on our skis and hooked up the dogs and off we went down the trail.
Everyone had a dog except me so they quickly passed me by.

And I was left alone with the quiet trees and majestic mountains to keep me company.

It was a beautiful day and the trails were perfect.  We all had a good work out.
We spent the night playing games and then the next morning we got up to do it all over again.  We headed towards the Lake Louise area.  The trail was quite different and the views were spectacular.

 Rachael and I skied together while the guys headed out with the dogs.
We had hills to climb and then slide down.  It will a little more work but it was so beautiful.
At 2.9 km we decided to make it a full 3 km before we turned around.  We headed a little further and started down a hill.  I couldn't stop and when I finally "crashed" we had gone 3.9 km.  Poor Rachael had to fall to avoid running over me.
We both got up with smiles in time for Ron to take our picture.
We made our way up the hill and just when we got into the sun again I realized that when I had fallen I had lost my sunglasses.  Rachael took off to try and find them.  She couldn't stop on the hill but waved at them as she flew by.  I took my skis off and walked down to get them.  We got even better exercise by retracing our steps.

It was a great few days...enjoyed by all those with two legs and four legs. 
I heard someone say this week that this has been a long cold winter.  I smiled as I thought that it hadn't been long at all.  We have tried to take advantage of the snow.  I'm even hoping for more to fall this week so we can have another few times out with the skis.

One month from tonight I will be in the hospital post surgery and my skis will be away for the season so I will try and take advantage of every opportunity to enjoy the weather.

Saturday, 17 February 2018

Rollar Coaster Week

I hate roller coasters.  I have only been on one real one.  I always wonder why people want to do that.  You stand in line watching people ride and scream along the way.  Some get off the ride holding their stomachs, others stumble to a near by bench to rest and then there are those crazy people who run to the back of the line ready to go again.

I just don't understand why people like that feeling.  I prefer the safe feeling when there aren't so many ups and downs in life.

This past week was one of those roller coaster kind of weeks. 
On Sunday it was about to get very exciting because we knew that the next day our "Alberta kids" were going to make a very big announcement.

Andrew and Brianne are having twins!
And then came Monday when we got the terrible news that our "granddog" had lymphoma.  It sounded like there was very little chance for our Bentley.
I sat in my office and cried on and off most of the day.  I cried for our son, for Bentley and for me.  He's such a fun, sweet dog.

On Tuesday, we got word that our oldest granddaughter, Sarah had been scheduled for dental surgery.  It's hard not to be there for Jenn and Sarah.
Wednesday was a bit of an up day after two very hard days.  Jenn gave me the dates that she could come for my surgery and so I booked her a ticket.  Having to go through the surgery will not be fun but having Jenn here will truly be a blessing.  Bentley also had an appointment with an oncologist and they started chemo.  The prognosis is that after chemo he should go into remission for a while but there is a 25% that he will be completely better.  Praying!!!

On Thursday, we started to climb higher on our roller coaster.  Bentley was feeling good, tickets booked for Jenn....and we were off to Calgary.  After a very long time I was going to have a ring on my finger.  My engagement ring was lost early last year and finally after a lot of headaches and tears we had one designed to go with my bands.

It was an exciting know that kind when you are at the top of the roller coaster and ready to go over that cliff when your heart is in your mouth.

Friday...we were ready to get off this roller coaster and have life tame down for a while.  We are thinking good thoughts for our Bentley....praying for our Sarah who has surgery next week....enjoying looking at my sparkly finger.
Now, back in Ontario there is another roller coaster starting.  Jacob, our grandson is a little concerned about his mom coming to help me.  He wants to know who will be making his supper.

Saturday, 10 February 2018

Looking at the Postives

When I first heard and read "suspicious for thyroid papillary carcinoma" I tried to toss it to the back of my mind.  Of course, there were times it would slip to the top and I would ponder the idea of having cancer.  I knew from reading that Thyroid Cancer is very treatable and "the best" kind of cancer to have but still the thought was not welcoming.

The positive was that immediately when my daughter heard, she put things in motion, to be able to come out and help me through the recovery time.  As much as I dislike the idea of surgery, I look forward to this time that Jenn and I will have together.

Yesterday, Ron took the day off to go with me to talk to the surgeon.  First, his assistant explained the report once again indicating that the probability of cancer was 75% or higher.  She then told me that the doctor would want to check my vocal chords.  This, unfortunately, was not done by me trying to sing but rather putting a scope down my nasal passages.  This was rather uncomfortable and left me wondering...."Does this doctor know what he is doing... looking for something in my throat down my nose?"  Actually, he seemed quite thorough in explaining the procedure and recovery.  I shed only a few tears with the high percentage of the likelihood of cancer and a few more with the hunt for my vocal chords.

The positive was that since we were in Calgary, we got to have lunch with our boy.  It is always great to be able to have those moments.

From there, we went to the mall were we were finally putting an end to dealing with the "store" that had lost my engagement ring last year.  I had to sign a waiver that I can't talk negatively about this chain of jewellery stores.  After a year, of them unsuccessfully trying to design a ring that would go with my wedding bands, they paid me out and I got to walk away with the cheque. 

The positive is that next week we will go to pick up a ring that was designed to go with my bands and we only had to wait 5 weeks to get it.

So, even though my emotions seem to be a little whacky with dreading surgery; I have so many positives to consider and so I shall try and dwell on them and hopefully leave those other thoughts hidden.

Monday, 5 February 2018

Fur Babies and Snowy Mountains

A good mother loves to babysit her grandchildren and will even be willing to look after her grand pets when they are as cute and cuddly as these.
After almost a week with these faces, Ron came to defur me and off we went to the mountains.  On our way to Radium, we stopped at Lake Louise to find a good place to ski.
Close by we found lots of snow and the perfect trails through the woods.

It was a wonderful day.  The heavy snow on the trees were gorgeous and then it opened up to a frozen lake.

We finished a nice trek around the loop and then headed to Radium.  It never gets old going into Radium.
We checked into our chalet.  It's a quaint little motel with a wonderful view.

The next morning we headed back to Nipika.  The conditions were perfect this time and the trails were beautiful.
Later that day we went to the hot springs and soaked all our muscles.
That evening Ron returned to do laps in the "cool" pool.
The next morning we left Radium but the locals got the right away.
On our way back we stopped at Johnson Canyon to go for a little walk.  It was cold and the wind was blowing but it was sheltered enough to enjoy the spectacular sights.

There is nothing quite like enjoying the mountains in the winter but of course there was a little reminder that spring is coming even if that reminder is in a plant.