Hibernating

I know that it is the wrong time of year to be hibernating since according to the calendar it is Spring (I don't think Alberta got the memo) but this is my season to shut down and stay put.  On Tuesday, I packed up my desk and moved it home.  I needed to shut myself away from the coughs, sneezes and stomach flus that were all around me.  The last thing I need is to get sick before the surgery.

Speaking of the surgery....one week from today I will be anxiously waiting in the hospital to be released and sent home...but before that I've got my lists going.

Today - get laundry and ironing caught up, take a call from the pre-op nurse, get some work done for the college, have a pizza/hockey/games night with Andrew and Brianne.  Get outside for a walk.

Friday - more college work, make tomato soup and homemade bread, exercise.

Saturday -  a little bit of college work, movies, rest, final clean through the house and a walk. 

Sunday - church, rest, movies and of course, some exercise.

Monday - pack, book Jenn's plane seat, get excited about Jenn coming and try not to think about why she is coming.  Ron will be home so we will catch up on some shows, go for a walk and relax.

Tuesday - pick up Jenn from the airport.  Pick up her brother along the way and head to Banff for lunch!  Perhaps we shall make it to Lake Louise or Johnson Canyon.

Hibernating doesn't sound too bad especially when it looks like this outside.

The patio chair doesn't look too inviting today.  This will be my last blog until after surgery. 

Now, what would Winnie the Pooh do to hibernate...gotta go have some honey on my bagel.

Anxiety

The definition of anxiety is:

a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event

or something with an uncertain outcome.

So, I guess I am allowed to have it with thinking about surgery BUT I don't like it. 

The symptoms of a panic attack include:

• Racing heart - yup!

• Chest pain, feeling like you're having a heart attack - already had an echocardiogram  - all good but still have the symptoms

• Feelings of complete terror, impending doom or death that are paralyzing - not really, unless it counts that I showed Ron where the life insurance policies are and how to get into the bank accounts.

• Feeling sweaty or having chills - do hot flashes count?

• Feeling out of control or like you're going crazy - well, that is kind of normal for me but yes, a little more out of control!

• Shortness of breath or difficulty breathing  - oh yeah, no doubt!

• Feeling detached from your surroundings - not so much...although the For Sale sign on the house always does that a bit.

• Experiencing nausea or upset stomach - oh that reminds me to add gravol to my grocery list.

• Having numbness or tingling sensations - especially in my fingers plus my hands have swollen so that I can't wear my rings.

• Feeling like you're choking - that's for sure!

Okay, so I have the symptoms and I even have a reason BUT I still don't like it.


So if I can google the symptoms I can google how to help anxiety.


Try these when you're feeling anxious or stressed:

• Take a time-out. -That's what days off are all about!
• Eat well-balanced meals. - My fitnesspal app helps me with this one. 
• Limit alcohol and caffeine. - No alcohol BUT going without tea would cause me more stress!

• Get enough sleep.  - Oh, I try but my fitbit keeps telling me that I am not sleeping deeply and Ron tells me in the morning that my tossing and turning is causing him not to either.
• Exercise daily - Not a problem!  I need to keep my fitbit happy!
• Take deep breaths. - Doing it right now but the fumes of my oven being cleaned gives me a headache. 
• Count to 10 slowly. - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6....10.  I guess I need to work on that one. 
• Do your best. Instead of aiming for perfection...., Hard one.  I made a couple of mistakes this week at work and it was hard to let it go! 
• Accept that you cannot control everything. - So true but that is a hard one!  This is usually when the tears come.
• Welcome humor. - My son has been providing me with this by sending photos of Bentley who is currently in remission from his cancer!

• Maintain a positive attitude. - Oh, I am trying.  We are looking ahead and have booked our 35th Anniversary trip on Vancouver Island....6 nights on the ocean!

• Get involved. - Being busy at work helps plus having the days off with Ron and going on our little adventures is very positive.
• Learn what triggers your anxiety. - Oh, I know exactly what the trigger is ....March 28th when they will put me to sleep and a knife will go across my neck.  I will wake up a few hours later to a loving husband, my sweet daughter is who coming to help with things and a son who  always been there for me.  We will then wait for a few weeks to hear about the success of the surgery and if it was indeed cancer.
• Talk to someone. - I'm doing that.  I called my grandchildren.  I got to hear about Emma losing her tooth and how she is cleaning her room so the tooth fairy can come tonight.
  

I know that I am going to make it through....I am working to try to not let the anxiety overwhelm me.  One lady at work told me that I shouldn't be too hard on myself.  I'm allowed to be concerned.  Being told not to worry can cause more anxiety.  As I pause to think about what I want to type I notice that I am wringing my hands.  It's just there!

But now....I'm going to get moving for the day.  I want to

get the house cleaned,

the laundry done,

ironing caught up,

banking looked after,

some college work done,

the oven cleaned,

go for a walk,

maybe watch a movie....

Early Easter

We decided to have an early Easter Weekend since I will be recovering from surgery on the real date.  Our son arrived on the Friday and with him came snow and dogs.

By the time Saturday arrived the snow was piled high and Easter lunch was almost ready.

It was fun watching the boys play and seeing Bentley doing so well have chemo.



Andrew and Brianne joined us for lunch.  I forgot to take pictures of the dinner but here's what was left of the dessert.

Shortly after lunch our boy left and drove through lots of snow but made it home safe and sound.  On Sunday Ron and I worked to make tracks through the deep snow.

It was slow going but we were persistent,

Slowly and surely, we made it around the field.

So it may not have been the real Easter weekend but we enjoyed a good dinner and some special time with the boys!